Hardware Store

Scene: a small hardware store

A tall old Gentleman entered the tiny hardware shop, and looked around with a dignified manner. Picking up a wrench, he turned to the cashier and asked, "What kind of silverware is this? The tongs are too large for a fork, it doesn't appear to cut well, and it has a tremendous hole in its middle, rendering it useless as a spoon."
"That, good sir, is a wrench," the cashier replied with some difficulty. "It is used for tightening and loosening bolts and nuts."
"A nutcracker, is it?" the gentleman said. "It seems handy enough. I'll take ten."
"Yes, sir. Any thing else?"
"We have yet to see. now then, what's this?" the gentleman asked, picking up a saw. "An unusual bread knife, to be sure. My cook is always complaining about the flimsiness of bread knives, but this knife is anything but flimsy! I'll take a couple of them."
"I don't think you'll want to cut bread with that, sir. It will cut through your table too, and-" the cashier was interrupted by the gentleman, once more inquiring about a certain object.
"What good is a pair of tweezers in this size?" he demanded brandishing a pair of pliers.
"Tweezers, sir?"
"Yes, tweezers! I suppose if you had a large splinter stuck in your toe, these would pull it right out."
"Indeed, it may pull off your toe as well," the cashier said, trying to look calm.
"Let's see, what else have you got for sale here?"
"Well, we have a nice extension cord in the corner there."
"Extension cord, you say?" the gentleman looked surprised. "I didn't realize you sold jewelry here as well!"
"Jewelry, sir?" it was now the cashier turn to be surprised.
"Yes, my wife's necklaces are forever too small, and she is always saying that she needs them extended in order to fit her properly. It appears to me that some fellow had the idea of making special cords to extend them for you," the gentleman replied with a calm air. "I'm assuming that these are what you are referring to?" he held up an extension for the chains on ceiling fans.
"Er, yes, or something similar, I guess....." the cashier stuttered.
"Good! I'll take two in this pattern, and three in that pattern over there."
"As you wish, sir," the cashier said weakly.
"Now then, what's next?" the gentleman asked, but much to the cashier's relief answered the question himself. "Ah, this is what I am really needing! Look at these sheets! They won't wear out for ages!"
"I'm sure of that," the cashier replied, and I won't tell you how anxious he was feeling at that moment. "That is oil cloth, and one of its uses is making sails for sail boats."
"You have boats on sale?" the gentleman looked confused. "I don't want any boat! I want to know how much these sheets are!"
"I said that these sheets can be made into sales," the cashier said, turning red.
"Oh! they're on sale! I'll get an extra set of them then."
"They'll make very uncomfortable bedsheets, sir, as they are so stiff!"
"And why can't this generation stand a little discomfort, I wonder?" the gentleman replied some what annoyed. "Us older people are the only ones with sense nowadays!"
"Anything more, sir?"
"No, that will be all," the gentleman replied, and thus the two parted, the gentleman heading for home with his purchases tucked under his arm, and the cashier to laugh till he hurt. Though, honestly, I wonder what he was laughing at.
Copyright- May 29, 2008